dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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