You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
