I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
