I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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