I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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