Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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