you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My dick has a subreddit
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize