yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
