the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
