Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
