Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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