Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
