i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
