Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
