OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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