You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
