And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sobbing to NWA
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize