I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
