My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Randomize
