What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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