dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
