He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
