The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
