The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
