these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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