I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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