we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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