Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
