your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well I just put wine in my tea
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
