Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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