You're my little dorito
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
