Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just threw up on my dentist
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize