I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
