grandma shit on top of the toilet
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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