Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
