I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
