Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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