are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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