ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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