Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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