I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
