I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
