Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
