I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
