Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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