if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
