How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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