woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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