After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
