whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
