The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
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