How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
