No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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