his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
