im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
