We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
