It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
