Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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