im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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