apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
