Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
