How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
