Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
