if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
