he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
