All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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