Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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