I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
