I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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