You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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