I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
