Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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