I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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