I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
