She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
