I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
