What a fucking waste of an outfit
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
