I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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