I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
