Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What did we do last night that was yellow?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
