the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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