I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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