Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
