I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
