He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
