At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize