He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
