I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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